Needing a pick me up

For the past couple weeks I have been throwing myself a huge pity party and it's time I fess up, take encouragement from others and get life back to normal. 

It all started about 4/5 weeks ago when I received an email from the plastic surgeon who was to perform a breast reduction for me, that he had to postpone it do to an emergency and would be gone for an unknown extended amount of time. I have been waiting for this surgery for 10 years! My surgery was exactly 3 weeks away the day I received the email and my hopes we're completely blown out of the water. I don't handle these situations well and this has been really hard to deal with. 

Since I can remember the time of actually needing a bra I can only remember hating my body and wanting nothing more then to not have people notice my boobs first then my face, to not hear " Oh my gosh your boobs are huge" Thank you I missed that until you just informed me, to stop having nasty rumors spread about me like at at 14 years old my parents let me get implants over summer vacation, to find a guy( which I did) desire me for more then just my body. On top the outward it was the other things like finding bathing suit each summer, or even a dress to the high school dance that my boobs weren't falling out of. When I say I've hated my body for the last 10 years I'm not exaggerating! I honestly don't think people ever realize the way I truly feel about myself because I'm pretty damn good at putting a smile on my face and not letting anyone in, not even my husband.

It's time to take down the wall. I'm hurting! I have a ton of other shit in my life I'm dealing with and this just added to it. I want this bad, I want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I workout 3-5 days a week and this is the one part that no matter hard I work I can't fix.This is the one part of my I want to hide from the world. This has put me in such a deep rut that I really don't know how to climb back out.I don't need to hear that I will still have my surgery, I know this. What I need is encouragement, an open ear and right now a shoulder to cry on.