Too many good byes

I'm back from a week off of the social networking life. As the time for Drew to leave got closer I decided it was best and fair for me to completely sign out of Facebook, and not get on my blog! 

I did cheat once but that was because I kept getting emails from my friends on Facebook commenting on a picture of me saying how fantastic it was so I got confused and curious, so I got crafty and got on my FB without logging in to check out this picture. My friend Sasha had posted a preview from our family session she did with us and oh my gosh it melted my heart! It was the perfect sneak peak to have put up this week before Drew left, check out her fan page  Here and scroll down a little bit to check it out!!! Have I said yet how much she rocks?!

Saying goodbye to Drew was not the only one I had to do this past week :( Part of the military I will never get use to is letting people in only to have to say goodbye. I have made some life time friendships while here and it hurts to see them leave. Early last week my dear friend Salena had to leave to New Mexico. I first found out about Salena when we got Gabriels newborn pictures done and our photographer had these beautiful crocheted hats, so I asked where she got them and got sent Salenas way! I ordered a few hats from her before I decided this was a craft I really wanted to re-learn( was slightly taught by my gramma several years ago) so I took lessons with my friend Shala( yes all our names start with S and yes it did get jumbled around alot!!) I fell in love with the craft and formed a wonderful friendship with a fabulous women!! 

Our friend Natalie through her a going away afternoon tea party so the boys and I headed on over to say one last farewell to her.

Drew got off later in the week so that is when I went off line. I would love to say we had a fun family adventure, or traveled or....anything but stay at home and chill out. Looking back now I did enjoy that time but it also would have been nice to have one more outing but Drew decided to just have some chill time, and for a man getting ready to work 12 hour days 7 days a week for the next 3 months, I can understand his want for that! Drew still had a few things to do around the base before leaving so did leave the house, I took a sewing lesson with my friend Natalie and even got a pedicure! Not bad right?

We did have one tiny venture out to Cambridge for some returns and after we took care of business decided an impromptu picnic would be nice, so got sandwiches chips(crisps) and drinks and started walking into town, stopped at the park, sat and almost immediately started feeling rain :/ so we hid out under a tree thinking it would pass but it only got more heavy and the boys were starting to get wet so Drew and I decided we just needed to make a run for the shopping center our car was parked at. Isaiah has always been like me, very cautious,. when it comes to new things, be it food, toys, games, people etc, so he started getting upset about the rain and getting wet, but once I started splashing in the puddles and making it fun he LOVED it and the smile on his face was priceless!!! And we got soaked!!!

Monday was our second set of good byes for the week, and originally was suppose to be when Drew was leaving, but it got pushed back. I have been apart of a workout mommy swap group on base for almost a year now. I have made some of the best friendships I could ask for and met the most amazing ladies from it. This week my friend Vanessa left. So Monday a group picnic was organized to send these her off with some love!! It was definitely a hard good bye, Vanesaa and I always swapped watching each others kids because our kids got along great ( Gabriel loves Vanessa) and our kids just got use to us watching them so it made easy on them and us. I have grown really attached to her two little princesses and my boys to her but I know I will see these girls again, it's a small Air Force!! 

I had been doing fine most of the past week not getting to worked up about Drew leaving all week even as the time got more and more close. I actually get into a protection mode and try to put up some walls before he goes, I think it makes it easier to not get super close and all lovey dovey with him before he leave because other wise I will only miss him more, I know it confuses him and he doesn't like it but it what I do. Last night is when I broke though, we bought Isaiah a Leap pad before our trip home to the states and it has a camera to take pictures or make videos, so I had Drew make a video for Isaiah for when he misses his Daddy. As soon as Drew started recording I was crying. That was when it came real.

Waking up today was not fun, I got to sleep in one last time (thanks baby) but all I wanted to do was stay in bed and pretend it wasn't going to happen, that my husband wasn't going to leave me, our kids, and go take part of a war. I wanted to walk down stairs have him give me a hug and kiss and have him tell me he'll let me know when he's on his way home from work. That just wasn't going to happen though, I did get my hug and a kiss, a wonderful long hug that no words are needed but you know that person loves you more then anything and that everything will be alright. 

I had to take a few last pictures of Drew and the boys before heading out

After a the quick photo op, we packed up the car headed towards the base made a few stops then went to drop him off. I remember how I felt last time he left and I was extremely sad but today I actually got sick to stomach at the thought of him leaving us, one of those reminders yes I really do love this man more then anything. We made our stay short saying goodbye as it started to rain on us, but it was still really hard. It's not something I enjoy. I had a good little cry session in the car, which Isaiah was very sweet during, telling me its ok and we'll see Daddy when we get presents( Isaiah and Drew watched Polar express this morning and Drew explained that he will come back before Santa comes, so all day he thought he was getting presents hehe)

We had a few other things to take care while on base but after that we went home and just relaxed. Isaiah I don't think really get it yet but I know soon it will click and we'll have a rough couple of days but he will be alright! And Gabe, well he's a Mommas boys so he'll be fine ;) We'll see how tomorrow goes but so far we are alright! 

THANK YOU to all my friends who have checked in on us and let me know that they are here for us! It means more then you can ever know! 

I'll start checking in here more often now! I will be showing what the boys and I are up do! Start showing some of the crochet I do( that are not Christmas gifts) maybe a few DIYs I have thought up( picked a furniture piece this past week, gonna have a go at painting it, stayed tuned!) and whatever else I feel I need to share!!!

But until next time...

Robin Hood

There are some have been so many things we have experienced in the last 3 years from living in England that I will look back on for as long as I live. The weekend being one of them! We made the 2+ hour drive from our house to Nottingham on Saturday morning to visit the beautiful Sherwood Forest for there annual Robin Hood Festival!!

Sherwood Forest was amazing and we had beautiful weather to go with it. It was very cool to see all the booths and actors really getting into the medieval feel of things. Jesters walking around throwing pins, there was one playing the recorded through his nose! Musicians all through out the Forest as we walked around, Story telling, Which was the first time Isaiah had ever sat for a story time except for at home and her really loved it. We had a go at shooting a cross bow, watch an archer shoot a maniquin head, a head of cabbage and even a stick the size of a pencil!!

We finished our time at Sherwood forest by hiding out under some trees waiting for the Jousting tournament, the boys, especially Gabe, Had been tired of ether sitting in the stroller or sitting in the car seat so they were both very excited about getting out and playing while we waited! When the jousting tournament started Drew and Isaiah headed over to watch but G had no interest so we stayed back on the picnic blanket. Gabriel is still not walking but yesterday was very special and one of the reasons I will remember this day forever, Gabriel took his first 2 steps inside SHERWOOD FOREST!!!! I tired to call Drew over to see but it was too late :( But what a memory to have made there!!

We ventured home shortly after stopping for a few souvenirs!

We have had beautiful weather all weekend here and even enjoyed a whole day home, doing whatever we wanted and not having any plans! This week will be our last whole week with Drew home, so we plan to spend a lot of time together just as a family!!! Hope everyone has had a beautiful weekend as well!!!!

Until next time...

Smile!!

Before I start what this post is about, I just want to say thank you to everyone who emailed, text or called and checked in on me yesterday! It really means a lot and made my heart melt, I'm not one to want attention but it was nice to know how many people do care! I'm starting to feel on the up again and it really did help to just lay it all out there and have people help me out! So THANK YOU!!!

Tonight my little family and I headed out to the beautiful city of Cambridge for some family pictures with my good friend Sasha of Bleulips Photography!! I have worked with Sasha a few times now as a client and as an assistant and it has been a blast every time, but tonight topped it all!!! We never have good luck getting family pictures done, because we have little kids. Isaiah will be upset or grumpy and Gabe, well he's a baby still really so what all can you really get from him? Sasha was an absolute dream with them, she was on the ground taking pictures, playing games to get them to laugh, being silly to Drew and I to make them comfortable, and we got , only what I can assume because she wouldn't show me any sneaks hehehe, some fantastic shots!! I've never seen Isaiah smile so much without me being behind the lens!!!!

Tonight was really special because this will be one of her last sessions she is doing before she heads back to the USA down to the dirty south!! And because this was our last time taking professional family pictures while we live here. We have last then a year left here and these are going to be great to look back and remember one of our favorite places to spend time! Thank you Sasha!!!

I highly encourage all of you to pop over and check out Sashas work and if your near Georgia set up a shoot with her, you will not regret it!!!

We're off to Nottingham for the Robin Hood festival tomorrow so be ready for a fun post about that to follow!!!

Until next time....

Needing a pick me up

For the past couple weeks I have been throwing myself a huge pity party and it's time I fess up, take encouragement from others and get life back to normal. 

It all started about 4/5 weeks ago when I received an email from the plastic surgeon who was to perform a breast reduction for me, that he had to postpone it do to an emergency and would be gone for an unknown extended amount of time. I have been waiting for this surgery for 10 years! My surgery was exactly 3 weeks away the day I received the email and my hopes we're completely blown out of the water. I don't handle these situations well and this has been really hard to deal with. 

Since I can remember the time of actually needing a bra I can only remember hating my body and wanting nothing more then to not have people notice my boobs first then my face, to not hear " Oh my gosh your boobs are huge" Thank you I missed that until you just informed me, to stop having nasty rumors spread about me like at at 14 years old my parents let me get implants over summer vacation, to find a guy( which I did) desire me for more then just my body. On top the outward it was the other things like finding bathing suit each summer, or even a dress to the high school dance that my boobs weren't falling out of. When I say I've hated my body for the last 10 years I'm not exaggerating! I honestly don't think people ever realize the way I truly feel about myself because I'm pretty damn good at putting a smile on my face and not letting anyone in, not even my husband.

It's time to take down the wall. I'm hurting! I have a ton of other shit in my life I'm dealing with and this just added to it. I want this bad, I want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I workout 3-5 days a week and this is the one part that no matter hard I work I can't fix.This is the one part of my I want to hide from the world. This has put me in such a deep rut that I really don't know how to climb back out.I don't need to hear that I will still have my surgery, I know this. What I need is encouragement, an open ear and right now a shoulder to cry on.

No patience

It is very well know to though closest to me that I have no patience, whether it be a surprise I've been informed about, Christmas gifts or just simply having to wait for something. The past couple days my patience with my children has damn near ran out!! I don't know what the sudden change is from or even how to deal with it.

I find myself yelling at my boys more then ever before, I even punched the wall yesterday not being able to contain my anger anymore. My children are not listening to a single word I have to say or doing as asked, even now as I write this Isaiah grabbed my water to take a drink, I told him no because he is about to take a nap and I don't want him to have an accident, and what does he do? Puts the bottle in his mouth ready to take a big gulp! WHAT THE HELL???? 

I wouldn't trade being a stay at home Mom for anything, I love raising my boys the way I want them to be raised, learn what I want them to learn and mostly I get to spend all day with them and learn from them as well! But I could pull my hair out by the end of the week if this keeps up!!!

Any stay at home parents out there have any advice? 

Until next time...

Tea room, antiques and tree tops

This blog post is coming a little later then I originally intended, but due to the fact we have a crappy old computer I've done my best!

Saturday Drew and I we're able to get our sitter for most of day and go enjoy ourselves. Our original plan was to head down to London for the day have afternoon tea at The Ritz then head over to Hyde Park and see The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, but we have not been able to recover financially from a recent "vacation" home, and been on a peanut butter and jelly budget! So we changed our minds and went a little cheaper but a still had a great day!

We started off the afternoon with a visit to my favorite local tea room  Peacocks! I have been a few times myself and once with Drew. It's a nice little place with great service, food, and if your lucky(which we weren't) you can sit on the patio on nice summer day.

 It always amazes me that even after over 6 years of dating and nearly 5 years of being married we can still go out on a date feel like we're getting to know eachother! 

Drew taking in the nic nacs lining the walls

Part of what I enjoyed for the day. To the left, Pimms and lemonade, Top right my tea choice a black cherry tea from China, very tasty!! Bottom right, my all time favorite scones with clotted cream and jam. I can't ever do a good enough job describing what clotted cream is or what it tastes like but if you come visit me I'm sure to take you here and let you have a go!!!

And heres me, very pleased with my Full Monty Afternoon tea!!

The plan for the rest of the day was to head to Thetford Forest and take part in the GO APE high ropes course, but we had alot of time after tea so we decided to pop in next door at Water Side Antiques next door. I've never been a huge antique person but I do enjoy going in and having a look around. We found some very cool things and my favorite is when they actually tell you what time frame the item is from! I found a large "treasure chest" as Drew called it circa 1810, I fell in love, but it also cost  £995, which is roughly $1,500 dollars, and no matter how cute I can make myself I just couldn't talk him into it :(

So after the browse we went on to our next adventure, with a few bumps along the way but we got there so all is well. Any one who knows me will know that I am a HUGE chicken!! I don't like roller coaster, water slides, heights, you won't ever find me skydiving bungee jumping, or as my husband always says "anything fun" I don't know where this fear is from but I can only remember being like this so I just cope and go! Go Ape is something Drew has wanted to do for awhile and since the tearoom was more my thing then his I accepted the challange! With 5 different zip lines, 2 "Tarzan" swings, one which you drop about 8 ft from the platform to go to the net, nearly 40 ft up a tree at the highest point, I was certain I'd piss my self scared!

We ended up with one very fun couple and one young kid who almost got his ass knocked out! Why you ask? Dude had done the course for the first time that Monday, but was quick to not only tell the others of us in the group how to do it but tell the instructor that he was a pro by now and didn't need to be told how to re-do this course. YET he couldn't do the complicated crossings after running his mouth about this being about strength and agility! One of the crossings he had failed miserably at, and when he reached the other side was sure to turn around and let us all know he would like to see us do better!! OK DONE!!! I made it across the crossing faster then him and without my ass falling off the crossing,  BAM!!! Granted it was hard, and I would have never thought anything about how horrible he did, until he opened his mouth, so I was sure to remind him that I a women completed the crossing with no trouble!!

In the end it took us nearly 3 hours to complete and it was an amazing time! To look back and see the huge grin on Drews face as he jumped straight up into the air for the 8ft drop into the Tarzan net made it all worth it. He loves being adventurous and shall I say a little dangerous at times, but that is why I love him, he makes me do things I probably never would!!

We don't often ask for our sitter to come watch the boy because dates simply date up way to quick!!! I already am glad for this time alone together and know that in a few weeks it will mean even more!

Until next time...

My promise

Growing up I never new what true love was or how a marriage could last a life time. I grew up with a divorced family not uncommon to many others today. There are definitely things I went through that others may not have, and I pray they don't.

Growing up I promised my self, my future husband and my future children that I would never do that to them. Today I will remake that promise! At 24 years old I am still dealing with the shit my parents have decided to do. This circumstance in particular,  for the past 2 year, on and off getting divorced not getting divorced. I have reached my wits end with caring. Having to act as a physiologist  more then daughter, is never easy. A fight with someone who I called my best friend just a few years has now blown up that relationship, I could point fingers but where will that get me? It comes down to the fact that I have been the shoulder to cry on yet again, the listening ear without the favor being returned...again Today I draw the line that says ENOUGH!!! I am not saying this relationship is beyond repair but lets say it's on a HUGE timeout.

As I sit here crying over the pain I've gone though over and over and again today, I re-make my childhood promise to my  husband and my children. I will NEVER put you through a divorce I will never fail to be the rock of this family! I promise to put up a fight until I fall over dead. We did not say the typical marriage vows but I did promise to love you forever and that is something I will keep. Our children and ourselves deserve so much better then what I was given!

Time will heal all wounds, but until next time....

A fresh start

It's been several months now that I have considered backing down from the craziness of Facebook and joining the blogging world. I firmly believe that there are some things that shouldn't be on Facebook and above all that it is not a journal, everything about your life should not be shared!! I do know I can fall victim to this though, I tend to post a lot about my two wonderful boys (Isaiah 3 and Gabriel 1) this is do to the fact that I am an Air Force wife and we live overseas in England far away from most of our family in Washington state. It keeps us all connected and helps everyone feel like they don't miss anything!!

What has finally made me decide to start this blog is due to the fact that my husband, of almost 5 years, will be deploying to Afghanistan in a few short weeks(missing our 5 year anniversary while gone) and I want something to help keep me busy(yes with two boys I am BUSY but this is for nap and after bed time!!), somewhere I can write and say as I wish and truthfully not care what others think because you are coming out of your way to read what I have to say so YOU must care a little about my thoughts!! I will definitely be more forward and honest with the things I say here and not really worry about it too much, I am human I have feelings and emotions, which for me, it's best to get it out and done with, so there will be happy days, sad days, and mad days. I do promise that I will NOT be the wife with a deployed husband who whines about it all the time. I love my husband dearly but when you have kids it's time to put your big girl pants and get life going without the husband around, otherwise it will dramatically effects the kids. I will have days where I cry and just want to be held but I will not let it get to me everyday!!!

So with this new journey beginning I will keep this post farely short, it's getting to be a late night for this Momma of early risers but tomorrow is Friday!!! And Drew and I have a fun date planned for most of Saturday!! Spending this quality time together now makes the world of a difference later!!! Until next time...